Mental & Physical Health

I don't remember if I've mentioned this here, but I have had a pretty negative attitude in the last few months. I guess I said I was depressed due to sleep depravation. Well, the sleep depravation hasn't totally gone away and neither has the depression. I'm not clinically depressed. But I am generally down.

I just read an article on the effects of sleep on our emotions. Did you know that when you're sleep deprived your brain isn't able to process your emotions? An important part of sleep and specifically REM sleep is your brain's work to process emotions from your experiences. I think at one time I knew this, but this explains my general bah-humbug attitude towards life lately. It also explains why Jack is such a happy baby. If I slept 15 hours a day I would be happy too!

Also associated with this is my lack of exercise. I read somewhere else that taking three brisk 30 minute walks a week should help pick up one's spirits. And I'm sure diet has a part to do with all of this as well.

I think it's time for me to say enough is enough and to take control of my emotions by doing something about my physical habits.

• I will go to bed at 10:00pm. Seinfeld is not important. It will always be around and I do not need to watch the reruns on Fox every night.
  
• I will go on walks each morning... ok, we'll start with every other morning. I always feel better after a walk, it just takes some willpower to get going. I can do it!
  
• I will eat an apple a day - or at least increase my fruit and vegetable intake. Increased fiber is supposed to make you eat less and as I'm still trying to loose that baby fat I can use a little less unhealthy food and more fiber! (Not to mention the added benefit of speeding things up in the digestive track. Holy cow! Has everything dried up down there? No one told me that when I got pregnant)

So there they are. My mid-year resolutions. Will you hold me accountable?

Twenty Minutes

Jack’s sleep has been going really well. He has done several 10 hour stretches at night and usually sleeps a total of 12 hours each night. His naps are about an hour and forty-five minutes each with a third shorter one in the evening. They give me time to get things done, relax, or nap if necessary. I’ve been pretty comfortable with how things have been going and have felt much more at ease in general.

Today Jack woke up from his first nap after about an hour and twenty minutes. I thought to myself, Hmm, he woke up about twenty minutes early. Do I let him cry and go back to sleep? It’s only twenty minutes, what difference will that make?

It turns out twenty minutes makes a BIG difference.

My sweet baby boy was nowhere to be found.

His laughs became cries.

His coos became grunts.

His smiles became vacant stares.

And his mommy became irritable.

For the short time Jack was able to stay awake, I had to constantly keep him entertained. He couldn’t sit or lie down on his own for more than 5 minutes before whining to be held.

Thankfully Tim bailed me out after work and I was able to leave. I wandered around Target (my happy place) for about an hour, picking up some yummy Oregon Chai for tonight. When I got home Jack was sound asleep, Tim made dinner, and I put on my sweats and ate brownies.

Let’s hope tomorrow’s better…

Ferber is Stressing Me Out

It has begun. On Monday night Tim and I started "Ferberizing" Jack. I have been mostly against this form of sleep training because it seems so cruel, but I feel it has to be done. Not only am I once again dependent on caffeine, but I'm also depressed. There, I said it. In the past when I've had trouble sleeping I ended up depressed. Before Jack was born I was concerned this would happen and unfortunately it has. I can finally admit it without feeling ashamed. That's just how my body works. But I don't have to sit in it, I can do something about it. The first thing to do is get more sleep and in order to that - we have to let Jack cry a little.

We've only done it three nights. Last night was a miracle. I must have caught Jack at just the right time, because he didn't cry at all. When he woke up at 11:40 I fed him (based on the advice from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child), but I don't think I really needed to. He then slept from 12:00-7:40. It was amazing! I don't know the last time I slept more than 7 hours in a row.

Tonight is a different story. I just got done listening to fifteen minutes of wailing. Cries that cause a physical reaction in my body. My heart feels like it's been torn out, thrown on the ground, and broken into a bazillion pieces. Someone has punched me in the stomach causing my knees to go weak and my shoulders will not relax. I'm gonna need an awesome massage after this. I keep expecting Child Protective Services to show up. I don't think our Mexican neighbors would let their babies cry like that. They haven't as far as I can tell.

I honestly don't know how Ferber came up with this method. What mom in her right mind would voluntarily let her baby cry? I mean, I'm doing it, but it goes against every instinct in my body (and I'm not sure I am in my right mind).

I'll be really thankful when this is over and we can all get some sleep - not just Tim (just kidding babe... sort of). For now I am coping with my good friends Ben, Jerry and their Chubby Hubby.

Who Needs Sleep?

Remember that song by the Barenaked Ladies?

Who needs sleep?
(well you're never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep?
(tell me what's that for)
Who needs sleep?
(be happy with what you're getting
there's a guy who's been awake
since the Second World War)

Yeah, that's been in my head the past few days because Jack has not been sleeping. In turn, I'm exhausted. I should say more exhausted. I didn't even think that was possible.

It seems the RSV is creating some horrible sleep habits. For the last several nights, after going to bed Jack woke up every hour for the first four hours of the night. Then, at about 11pm, we fed him, gave the nebulizer and stayed up with him until 1am. Two hours! He has then either woken up two more times before morning, or woken up once for two hours before going back to sleep. Every time we rock him and put him in his crib he jolts awake crying. Worse, his naps have been about 30 minutes long apiece.

It turns out that the medication in his nebulizer is "wiring" him. Yesterday the doctor cut the 11pm dose of the meds, but last night Jack was still awake from 11-12 and 3:30-5:00. Today, however, today he took a beautiful two and a half hour nap and I am very encouraged. (I checked to make sure he was still alive after two hours - I wonder when I'll stop doing that?)

I hate the idea of "Ferberizing" Jack and with these horrible sleep patterns I've been preparing myself for the worst. If we do have to go that route, Tim is in charge. I can't stand hearing him cry. I've told Tim we are going to make sure Jack has his strength back before we lay the smack down. I have Ferber's book on hold at the library just in case.

On the positive side, Jack has been feeling much much better. I'd say he's even more cheerful than he was before he was sick! We had a glorious time this afternoon playing peek-a-boo and laughing ourselves silly. If only the nights would be so pleasant.

Please sleep, Jack! Please!! It's for your own good. I promise!