The responses to my last post made me think a lot about what I experienced nine or ten months ago. The truth is I actually wrote the majority of that post last March or April. I wrote it when I was much closer to the drama than I am now. I wrote it when I was struggling to reconnect with God after feeling so far away from him for so long.
But your comments about hormones and depression made me start to wonder. What was going on with me emotionally? I know one thing, I regret that I could not enjoy Jack during those first months of his life. I blame it all on the troubles we had with breastfeeding - which was huge, I've only mentioned it a gazillion times on here - and I feel like I need to mourn the loss of what I felt the first weeks should I have been like. But am I really any different from the average mom postpartum?
Does anyone know the difference between hormonal baby blues and all out postpartum depression? It seems most moms I know struggle the first couple of months or more, but only 10% are diagnosed as depressed (or so I've read). Does anyone know why?
I have another post in the works on "survival mode" and I would love to hear what your experiences were like those first few weeks or months of your baby's (or babies') life. Did you enjoy your baby? Did you just "get by"? What went on with you?
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5 years ago
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In response to your question about the first few weeks... I think I just tried to survive, I mean there were parts I enjoyed but it was mostly survival. With Maggie I new a little more what to expect so I set goals... first make it through the first 2 months, then 4, then 6, 9, 12... I think the first year is so hard. I honestly just try to survive most of it.
ReplyDeleteI don't really remember the first few months with Annie, but since I'm back in it now with Sam, I can tell you about that.
ReplyDeleteYes, we just try to get by day-to-day. It is a little better now that Sam is sleeping more, but it is still hard. I feel like I'm constantly thinking ahead...like "if Sam eats now, he'll sleep until X, so I should make Annie's lunch when I'm done so she can eat and then nap..." I'm trying to stay one step ahead of them so they don't defeat me! It isn't easy, but a bit of planning goes a long way. Lay out everyone's clothes before bed; serve Annie pre-cut cheese and fruit cups instead of messy things like applesauce; keep the coffee pot on all the time :)
I am enjoying Sam's babyhood now, but I'm feeling the same guilt that I did with Annie. When he's awake, I feel like I should be doing something with him, like reading to him or tummy time or helping him "track" toys. I forget that he's still really little! There's lots of time left for developmental stuff; right now he should just be snuggled most of the time.
Thanks girls! I appreciate both of your comments. Man it's tough.
ReplyDeleteCorrie, two things, I am glad I'm not the only one not remembering the first few months very well. Perhaps a testament to how exhausting it was? Second, I already relate to trying to stay ahead of Jack. I'm constantly thinking "what's next?"